Incinerating Ideas & Thoughts

Things That Touches Your Soul

2006-12-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

(....At the background are playing my two favourite songs for now. Faizal's "Maha Karya Cinta" & Christina Aguilera's "Hurt"......)

What I like about singer-songwriters are that they are actually singing their feelings and its actually honest. Sometimes you feel that they are actually singing your unspoken words that you have been bottling up inside. That is why sometimes you feel the tendency to cry when what they are singing is your life's trail & pain.

Sometimes when you are going through life, that you have been keeping inside, regardless whether it is happy or sad feeling. As time goes by you tend to forget because of the passing time like the old saying, "Time Will Heal Everything". Unfortunately it is not the case. We have this ability to block out anything that is unhappy about our lives. But when certain event happened, it opens the long forgotten locked door.

For me lately this song by Christina Aguilera really opened wide the door that I thought I was able to get over it. Just try to absorb the emotion of the lyrics:

Christina Aguilera

Hurt

Verse 1:
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.You told me how proud you were but I walked away.If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.
Pre-Chorus:
I would hold you in my arms.I would take the pain away.Thank you for all you've done.Forgive all your mistakes.There's nothing I wouldn't do.To hear your voice again.Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.
Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself by hurting you.

Verse 2:
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss.You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.

Pre-Chorus:

Would you tell me I was wrong?Would you help me understand?Are you looking down upon me?Are you proud of who I am?There's nothing I wouldn't do.To have just one more chance.To look into your eyes and see you looking back.
Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself, oh...
Bridge:
If I had just one more day.I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.Oh, It's dangerous.It's so out of line to try and turn back time.
I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself....by hurting you.

My heart aches as I rekindle the relation of this song with life story.

It Has Been A While

2006-12-02T12:59:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since my last entry. Well basically there have been a lot of things that happened in my life. First of all, I had a very long holiday. It was closed to a month. Although after the long holiday there are lots of things to catch up but I did not regret every minute of it. I have not seen my family for a while and with the long holiday it helped me to re-connect back with them.

Then there was the case of meeting old friends. I met with a very old friends since kindergarden. She is basically enganged and is getting married some where in June next year. After that there was the case of fulfilling of destiny. What you might ask? Well basically to fulfull the destiny to have the Genting clan to go to Genting. That was the most fuckingly exciting that I have done in a while. The most crazy thing that I have done was the "Space Shot". Damn it I nearly crapped in my pants. For more details of that adventure please visit this blog:

http://genting.blogdrive.com/

Not all was sugar and candy during my holiday. During my catch session with my dear old friend, she told me that one of our acquaintance in high school is diagnosed with HIV+. That really shook me back to reality. He is already in the final stage of HIV+ and I keep telling myself how do we really react to this kind of situation? I sure the hell do not know how.

Ok back to a higher note, a long hiatus really help you to re-focus your objectives when you return to work. When I went back to work I really felt rejuvenate and eager to start work.

Basically this is just the beginning of much more entry to come after the long break. Just wait for it.

People Sometimes Are Inconsiderate

2006-10-10T19:45:00.000+08:00

Lots have been happening to me recently. I finally got a position in my organization. Basically it is doing the same work but with more responsibility. If previously I could get away with even murder, but now if I made a slight mistake my head is on the chopping board. My entry is mostly about catalyzing the thinking cap of the readers. Not that I am saying that I am know can be placed along side those wonderful poets which talk candidly about life. First they live longer than I am and basically they are more gifted than I am. I am just an ordinary guy with a view.

Any who back to me. (Suddenly I realize that it is sounding rather pompous to me). I believe most of you guys heard of the saying, "Becareful What You Wished For". Well I am eligible to be categorized in that group. I got my dream job but what I am unaware is that the responsibility that comes along with it. People around me say that it is hard to find me at my cubicle because I am constantly on the move. Do not get me wrong. It is not that I am being an ungreatful bitch, but it is just overwhelming. I guess I need to take some time to get use to it.

However I am not going to bore you guys with the joyous moment in my life. That will totally diverted from the theme of this blog. What is exactly the theme of the blog? Well maybe I can summarize it is rather an angry blog. Ok back to the main reason of this entry. When I first got the news that I am finally getting a position and that position is my dream job, I was filled with joy and started to share the good news with my friends. How am I that naive? For the past 24 years of living in this earth I still believe that everyone has a good heart. I have this vision in my head that if someone called you a friend, then that person has a duty to be supportive and also be joyous of the good news of others.

Well the reaction of my so called friend is that, "I believe that you are not the right person for the job. This position requires a lot of experience". I was flubbergasted. In my head I was asking myself, "What is going on here?". I am seriously caught of guard. The reason that I am totally in shock is that when that particular reason got a position, that particular person also did not have the necessary experience to carry that responsibility. But I decided maybe I need to give that person the benefit of a doubt that in time that person will be able to do the job.

This happen some where in August. There is another particular situation that in a discussion of the young engineers development plan, the same guy from out of nowhere said, "You and her do not have much things to do unlike us." Again it caught me of guard. This time I am fucking pissed off. Who is he to judge that what I do is insignificant to what he does?

The truth will set you free. However, I believe we need to have a check point in ourselves whether what we are going to utter is hurtful or not? I am not sure what I did to piss that person off. Right now I am just angry. But I will survive and I will show this person that basically he is messing with a wrong person.

Why Must We Be Mean?

2006-10-08T21:26:00.000+08:00

The time in high school or secondary school to me was really the most trying times. I believe that most of you guys also believe the same thing. This is because during this period of time, you try your best to fit in or to be apart of the coolest click. Well that is not the case for me. I was never able to fit in.

If people ask me what am I like during secondary school? The answer that I would give is that I am a loner. I am never the jock type or even the nerdy type. Even the nerdy ones has their own clicks. I am just plain. But I never regret any of that.

But the most hurting thing in that period of time is the hell that others put you through. Maybe a lot of you guys are wondering why am I contemplating on the past, but this idea got to me when I was watching a lot of these teen flick movies. Why must the popular ones be mean to the ones that did not cause them any harm or anything?

Why must some one put some one else through hell? Is it like an unwritten rule that if you were in the cool click you must make someone who is not cool by your definition to be miserable? It is rather personal because I had been through this and when I tried to go back to that time it still hurts to think of it. What I believe is that people do not think of the consequences of their actions? Try to place yourself in the shoes of the ones you belittled. Then you tell me how does it feels.

All in all although it was a rather an awful experience, it reall taught me to be who I am today. What I really like about all of those is that it gives a great power of determination, resilience and just-do-not-give-a-fuck-attitude about what people say. I believe that is what makes me to be successful today.

But what I cannot make any sense is that after you have hurt someone and few years have passed and you met that person that you hurt, is it normal for that person to act like nothing happened? Well I just cannot. I have these few occassions where the people that made my life in secondary school a living hell, tried to act like we were very close friends for a long time. To me it is just hypocritical. I just cannot pretend that everything is OK with people that I do not like. That is why most of them called me a pompous ass. Well I could care less. At least I am not lying to myself.

Well to those who had hurt me in the past, all is forgetten. I have no grudges but I just cannot act like everything is OK. If you guys think that I am an arrogant motherf*&%$#$, well it is your prerogative.

To those younglings out there that thinks making fun of people is funny, think again! Just remember that what goes around comes around. Revenge is a bitch!

STOP Making Excuses But START Taking Responsibilities Of Our Actions

2006-10-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in the situation that decision that you take would create problems to others, but instead of admitting that you are in the wrong, you tried to create 1001 of excuses to save your own ass? If you said that you have never been in that position, then I would call you a big fat liar. This is because I believe that our survival instinct would kick in because that we know that when we are faced with confrontation, the key thing is to save ourselves.

I am not saying that I am a perfect person and this kind of things never happen to me. My first instinct would be the same as the rest of the world. But what I want to highlight is, if we continue to be like this then we would never learn to take onwership on our actions. This can be seen in what is happening in this world nowadays.

It really saddens me when people make some crazy logic to attack another country and feel no guilt in doing so. This is mainly because the idea that he or she has is he or she is doing the right thing. It is one thing that you invade others but to not live up to the action is just plain sick.

In much closer to oneself are the actions that we decided to do every day. Sometimes we are just over the top confident or cocky in the decision that we take but when that decision goes wrong and others are also sucked into the situation, we tend to push to others or try to put the blame on the 'victim'. That is just wrong. What I believe a real man would take the responsibility to honour the decision regardless what the outcome would be.

I hope that this would trigger some thought and to make us more brave to honour the decisions that we make in our lives.

I Just Love A Great Story

2006-09-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

There are lots of things that is happening in one's life and sometime you are just overwhelmed by it. Therefore you need some external motivations when your innerself are running out of ideas to perk you up. Just to share, for me what I watch in the telly or even the movies that really has an impact to me is used to motivate me. This is because to me it teaches life lessons.

There is this one friend of mine that said to me why am I being to analytical of the movies or anything in the telly. In addition to that why am I to emotional about it. Well it is just plain simple that what ever happened in the movies or the telly has some reality to it. For example the all time favourite type of story is from rags to riches kind of story. Do not you just love it? I believe that this kind of story really close to my heart because it tells you the trials and tribulations that one has to overcome before one can enjoy success. One of my favourites is "Homeless To Harvard". The story really make me feel ashamed of myself of the way that I act towards trials and tribulations. I let my tantrum get in the way. Maybe this is just because I can group myself as one of the privilage people in this world.

This morning after Sahur, I am unable to sleep so I decided to flip through my cable to see anything interesting on telly. As I was flipping, I stumbled into this movie called "Hunt For Justice". This is story is a about the crime against humanity that happened in Bosnia. Watching this movie was a rather an emotional experience for me. I was unable to contain myself from crying. It is just so sad to see the suffering that the citizen of war has to face. But what really intriguing is that how could a man, which God has given the brain to be able to think what is right and wrong and also differentiate them from animals, could acted animal like?

A great story by my definition is a story that is able to make me care to feel what the characters are going through. Just a one man's opinion is to be more sensitive towards your senses when watching a story. This is because if you are opened enough, you would be surprised of the things that you would be able to learn.

Do We Really Deserve It?

2006-09-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

Today was a rather special day because after sleeping on a very uncomfortable mattress for over a year, I was able to buy a brand new spring mattress. Although it is quite expensive but I told myself I deserve this because of the hardwork that I put into in my job. However as I was laying on my bed, I started to wonder do I really deserve all of this?

Maybe it sounds weird to some of you even I also have the difficulty to make sense of the question. The thought came about when I look to what is happening in the world now. It saddens me that I sometime have things that are not a necessity but more towards public validation when someone at the other parts of the world have not even enough of the basic things in life.

I do feel guilty when I am at certain times acted ungreatfully towards certain things. But maybe just because as a 'privilege' and 'lucky' human being to be born at the part of world where everything was presented to you, we tend to be rather spoilt.

What I am trying to convey is that, try to be greatful of the things that we have and cherished everything that we have. Sometime we will notmiss it untill it is gone.

Ramadhan

2006-09-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

How quick time flies when you are not paying attention? It finally hit me that the holy month of Ramadhan is just around the corner. As a matter of a fact, tonight will be the first night that we Muslim will start to do our Solat Tarawikh.

The significant of this month to me is that this will be the second time that I will be fasting in Bintulu. This also indicates that I have been here for over a year now. There are many life lessons that I have obtained here.

In this holy month it teaches us to be, how I usually put it as, well-behaved. I admit it that I am not the ideal Muslim as what God and also the prophet expect each and every one who utters the syahadah. However, I am working on it. Althought I have bumps on the road, I am trying my best to overcome it and make sure I am not bumped off the road.

This Ramadhan really excites me in the sense that I am so eager to do as much of ibadah as possible. I wish that all my sins would be washed off during this holy month. Let all of us pray that we would be more closer to God and also become a better Muslim in and also after Ramadhan. Insya-Allah.

Is Not One's Life Is As Valuable As Ours?

2006-09-22T21:49:00.001+08:00

It has been a while since my last entry. This is because for the past a couple of weeks, there had been a lot of things that happened that has a big impact on my life.

It started of with the passing away of a prominent figure in my organization. Many would have thought that what is the big deal? People come and go as what is promised to us by God. However what shocked me the most is the way he died. I am still a little bit haunted by it. On the other hand it really woke up me that life is not full of sugar and everything nice. Sometimes you would face a little saltiness and spiciness a long the way. That is just to mix things up.

Many would say why am I so emotionally involved with this tragedy? The person is not even my family. The more appropriate question to ask is it wrong to feel what the person's family is feeling? How would you feel when such a tragedy happened to you? I believe it would give a sense of comfort that someone else is showing empathy towards you.

There is this vision that keep going through my head. What if this tragedy happened to my family in the Peninsular and I am here? How would I react? How I would feel? Will I ever be able to move on? Basically I have no answer to this questions, which makes me really scared.

But what angers me is that how could a human being which God gave the most powerful privilage compared to the rest of the living being which is the mind, would do such a thing to another human being? Who gave us the right to take another's life? What had happened to us? Why is it easy for us to end one's life rather than cherish it? Is not one's life is as valuable as ours? This can be seen in the world today where people just start war out of nothing. God, I am so angry!! When will this ever end? Please someone give an answer!!

I am just really out of answers and lots of question require answers. Is it hard to live happily and peacefully?

THINK PEOPLE!!!! FOR GOD SAKE THINK!!!

Things Should Work Both Ways

2006-09-06T17:20:00.000+08:00

Scene 1

Friend: You should not behave like that. You need to be more mature.

Me: But the bugger really pissed me off.

Friend: Why should you let him get to you? Your action when you are pissed effect others because of your temper. You should not let 'small' things get to you.

(People expect me to listen to them)

Scene 2

Me: You should not behave like that.

Friend: That is the only way I know how. (walk off)

(People do not want to listen to what I say)

I know I seriously need therapy but I really need to get this out of my system. People tend to expect me to listen to every single 'advice' that they gave to me and expect me to change to what they think it is right. But when the tables are turned, they become fucking defensive. I try to be opened to every single fucking thing that they 'advice' me cause I know I have some attitude problem. Is it too much to expect the same gesture in return?

That is why I do keep my opinion to myself because I do not want to create any tension in the friendship. However when people continue to give their so-called opinions and mine I have to keep, it is driving me fucking crazy.

I believe when people say something they need to mean it. This is because words are easy to be spoken but action to live up to the words are hard to act out. Therefore please becareful what is uttered because it reflects who you are

Can You Handle The Truth?

2006-09-05T21:41:00.000+08:00

If a close friend would come up to me to ask for an honest opinion, most of the time I would twist the truth. I know it is not a good thing to do but I had to. There is a saying, "Once Bitten , Twice Shy". Well that basically wraps up everything.

There have been a lot of experience personally that people did not react as they should be. When they came up to me they would start the conversation that I am an open person and I listen to criticism openly. What a load of crap! They would behave defensively or became angry or act fucking annoying the next time we meet.

So, the BIG FUCKING QUESTION IS,

CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?

That is the reason that I conclude that for most of us, we are just living and walking poster boy/girl for HYPOCRITICAL. Most of us we would say that we could handle the truth but when it is time to face the music, we became the opposite of what we say.

Recently, I found out that my theory is almost there. I was being honest with this guy and the reaction was really the opposite of what he had said to me that honesty is the best policy and he is opened to any criticism.

So when people say that they do not like hypocrites well to me it is just one plain BLAH! However that perception is only after they have shown me that they can behave as they should when it is time to face the music.

The Meaning of Independence

2006-08-31T21:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA!!! YOU ARE 49 YEARS OLD NOW!!!

Most people by that age already facing midlife crisis. Hehehe! But not for my country. Malaysia is becoming each and every day more grown up in the sense of becoming a developed country independently. Trying its best not to rely on anyone else. However are we the proud citizen of Malaysia really knows the meaning of independence?

If most primary school or even secondary school were asked what is the meaning of indepence? They will answer line by line what is read in the history books. Sometime the most surprising thing is that even the big shot executives gave the same answer. Does this mean that Malaysia's independence is just what is written in the history books?

If that is the case then shame on all of us. What we need to understand is that why did we ask for independence? How it was achieved? And how to maintain it so that we do not seem like ungreatful SOBs?

It is good that we know the chronologically of how Malaysia achieved its independence. But would not it be much more meaningful the appreciate the sweat and tears that our fore fathers put in order for us to obtain prosperity? It is just not about the ones that were in the fore front in the fight but also the unsang heros. The most important thing is to appreciate the unsang heros.

But what saddens me is that we do not know how to appreciate it. What we know now is that each time on the 31st August is a public holiday and the night before that there will be bunch of concerts everywhere. Please Malaysians wake up and smell the roses that if we are not careful we would be colonize once again. To me we are now being colonize especially in the way we think. There is no more the Eastern culture of being polite, being courteous and much more. What we know is that anything Western is showing that we are modern and developed.

Is it ashamed? When we will ever realize that our way is better? I am being patriotic just because I really owe everything that I have today to those who fight for it and never ever had the oppurtunity to experience and enjoy it.

FOR THE HEROS OF MALAYSIA, I HOPE I MAKE YOU ALL PROUD

MERDEKA!MERDEKA!MERDEKA!

Why Do We Fall?

2006-08-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

In life we always question the things that happened in our life. Regardless whether it is something good or something bad. But ussually as human beings we never questioned or wonder why good things happened to us. Often times anything bad happened in our lives then we started to question.

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPENED TO ME?

WHAT DID I EVER DO WRONG?

Those are usually the most common questions that are usually we asked. We never wanted to look at the silver lining that is always behind the bad things that happened in our lives. I know about this because it is something closest tomy heart . Always wonder why bad things happened and never questioned about the good things in life. For me it is sometimes good to have something bad happening in ourlives in order for us to have in-touch with reality.

I got this idea for this entry due to that I have been falling a few times literally. This is because of the few incidents that happened in my work place. These incidents got me asking myself, "Why?". Tonight I think I have the answer.

Thomas: Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce: (silence)

Thomas: So that we could learn and get back up again.

These few lines in the movie really put perspective to most of the things that had happened inmy life. I am here just to share something that I hope would provide answers to some of you out there that is wondering why shit happens to me? In addition to that we started to question God? What we should do is we should not be disappointed or let our spirit down but instead I believe we need to learn from every single mishap so that it will help us to grow as a human being.

Being the human being that God created us to be is the most important thing. Sometimes we forget why are we here? A few heads up is no biggy, right?

I Am Sick & Tired Of Being Sick & Tired

2006-08-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

There is a gap between my list entry and my latest. Well this is because there had been a lot of crazy things happening in my life. To sum everything up, I injured myself and also fainted at my workplace. The rumours about how I got the injury and also how I fainted are most talked about compared to the wedding of Siti and Datok K. Seriously, I am not blowing my own horn.

My theory is that, in the history of my workplace there had never been two emergency cases caused a single individual in the span of five days. I am not proud about it but like I always said, "Shit Happens". All I can do is let them talk and as time goes by there will be another more interesting news......hopefully.

However there is a few things that annoys the HELL out of me. First, I am just so f*&%ing annoyed to be asked the same f*&^ing question over and over again. You must be wondering what it is? Well basically the routine question is, "How Are You Today?". Not just that, from afar they will start to show their thumb up implying, "How Are You Today?". I am not being over-dramatic although I am proven to be a little drama queen but I just cannot stand it when every single person keep asking me the same old question every f*&%ing day. I am working aren't I!!!! I will not be working if I am not OK.

Second, people seems to be keeping a close eye on me cause they are afraid that I am going to faint. Come on!!!! That is just a one thing deal. Maybe I am over-stressing my healing body with heavy duties and the wheather was not helping either. Now in some twisted way they thing I have this ability to faint on cue. God, give me a break!

Disclamer: No offense to them. I know that they meant it in a good way. But what I want is to just let me be.

In addition to that, I am seriously f*&%ing annoyed with people telling me how to feel and also what kind of feeling I need to potray in certain situation. Even my parents cannot help me in that division and who the HELL do you think you are? I am not allowed to feel angry, sad, pain, happy when I want to. Why should I comply to other people?

I know that I am walking facing the current and not with the current like most people. Therefore sometimes I felt sick and tired of fighting against what is considered normal. Since the same feeling is felt every f*&%ing hour then you tend to feel sick and tired about it.

Most people when reading my blog will think that I am such a complicated and rather psychotic. Even I agree with them. That must be the ultimate reason that I am still single. Hahahaha!!!!

Finally Someone Said It

2006-08-08T18:47:00.000+08:00

I was watching Oprah last Sunday. Before I go any further, yes I do watch Oprah and I do not give a damn what you guys think. I am not sure how far along was that episode compared to the one in the States but this particular one really captured my attention.

Oprah was interviewing the youngest queen in the world. This particular queen happens to be from an Islamic country. The country that I meant is Jordan. Her Majesty's name is Queen Rania Al-Abdullah of Jordan. Her Majesty has this sense of elegance and poise that rarely can be seen in most people.

Oprah and Her Majesty were discussing on issues such the view of the Middle Eastern towards the United States, her life as a queen and something that really caught me by surprise of freely and candidly Her Majesty talked a little bit about Islam.

Her Majesty explained that wearing the veil was not a sign that the women of Islam are being suppressed. It is just what Islam has taught each and everyone of us. That was supported by a clipping of the daily lives of the women in Jordan. Although they are wearing veils, but they are still able to be a career women. At that point I was so joyous that finally somebody explained to the ignorant people of the Western world that wearing a veil has nothing to do with suppression as what they believed all this while. Finally someone said it.

I was looking through Her Majesty's website and kudos to Her Majesty of all the thing that Her Majesty does. For those that want to read more please visit the URL below:

http://www.queenrania.jo/

They Say Blogs Are For Nerds With No Friends

2006-08-07T18:42:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday while having breakfast with two of my friends, we suddenly discussed about people with blogs.

Me: Cool statement. May I used it in my blog?

Friend: You have a blog?

Me: Yup.

Friend: Do you know what they say about people who has blogs?

Me: Nope. Enlighten me.

Friend: They say blogs are for nerds with no friends.

Me: You got to be f*&^ing kidding me!

The conversation got me thinking whether it is true or not. Well my history of involving with blogging was during my college years, it was the coolest thing around. Every one has their own blog. This is like when Friendster was the flavour of the month. Any how, I know that my involvement in blogging is mainly because not wanting to be left out, but lately it become a way for me to convey my opinions. Although not a lot of people visited my blog (based on the counter) but hey if I am able to express my views to one person that would be an achievement for me.

What Defines A Man?

2006-08-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

Me: What's up?

Friend: Oh my God! What are you wearing?

Me: What? Plain old t-shirt.

Friend: Duh! A five year old knows that what you wearing is a t-shirt. Are you colour blind or something?

Me: It is pink, I know. So, what's the big deal?

Friend: Seriously dude that is so fag.

Me: You got to be f*&^ing kidding me.

Well that was a conversation that I had with a friend when I wore a pink t-shirt. It sometimes just shocked how shallow people could be. Seriously what is this all about MEN DO NOT WEAR PINK?

I still cannot make out what is the connection with colour and one's manliness. Yeah you have this personality test define your personality with the colour you choose. But I do not believe that pack of bulls. It is just a statement that you wanted to make or just something you comfortable to wear regardless it is pink or not. I am really in awe when people are making a fuss of the colour that I choose to wear.

The funny part is, it is not I who feel uncomfortable it is those around me? They some how able to feel embarrased. How crazy is that?

My definition of a man is not how many time he got laid or how far he could spit or even. Mine is just simple. As long as you are able to fulfill to the best of your capability for every single responsibilities that is entrusted to you regardless by God or society. That is a real man flesh in blood. I am still working my best to be defined as that. Still a work in progress.

Shit Happens Part 2

2006-07-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

What are the odds that the car battery to be flat? The irony was that when we were from our house to the food stall the car battery was OK. However, when we were getting in the car to go back home, the car battery was flat. It is either that lady luck was not on our side or is it same kind of sign from God saying that you seem to be ajar from Me. I think it is both.

Some people tend to suck in a crisis such as this but some people seem able to handle this kind of crisis. For me it depends. When I am in such a "come what may" state of mind, any crisis is able to be faced with an open mind. On the other hand if I am in my violent mood swings, even the smallest crisis can be the end of the world for me. Tonight is the "come what may" state of mind.

On the bright side, I am able to identify the people that I would like to be in a crisis with and those I rather kill myself then to be with them in a crisis.

Maybe some is not able to grasp the spiritual concept that I try to relate with every day situations. Things like my phone broke apart and something like tonight, were just some indications that I am drifting apart from my Maker. This is because I believe things happened for a reason. This is the same concept like The Matrix which stated that each action has its consequences.

I believe that there are some things in my life that I need to evaluate whether to proceed with or not. As a human being we were given the ability to think which helps us in identifying good and bad. Every decisions is in our hands. It is all up to us. Let us pray that we make the right decisions.

I Have No Luck With Mobile Phones

2006-07-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

I seriously have no luck with mobile phones. I mean I cannot hold on to a phone more than a year. My longest record was 10 months. I believe I spent more money on mobile phones than on food. My latest casualty is as the picture below:

Shit seems to happen to my phone. My previous phone before this latest casualty fell into water. Come on what are the odds of that happening? It happened November, 2005 the first day of Ramadhan.

Yesterday, the piece of plastic that held my phone battery to the phone snapped off. Again what are the odds of that happening? My new phone is as below. I pray hard to God that this would last forever.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2006-07-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

There is a saying, "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR". I never really know what it meant by that until now. I have been working for more than a year. All this while, I am just the junior engineer which my daily routine is to wait to be given assignments. So, I am really upset when certain of my colleagues are able to secure a position in the organization whereas I am still stuck at the old place. Every day I prayed and wished that I could get a position that I really wanted.

In addition to that in some narcisstic way, I wanted people to know who I am. This is because they always pronounce my name wrongly and think that I am someone else. That made me really uncomfortable. For f&*% sake my name is not that hard to pronounce. Even a Dutch could pronounce it properly.

However, all of that changed recently. I heard the news from my boss that I am going to be offered a position. Hearing just that got me really excited and happy. I thought the news ended there. Was I wrong. In addition to that the position is really the position that dreamt all this while. That left me flabbergasted. I could not believe it. What I am wishing for really came true.

I am still speechless until today. What actually I dreamt for really came true. In other words people start to recognize me as an individual. I am trying my best to digest everything. This thing rarely happen to me. But when it does, I am overwhelmed.

God give me strength.

How Would You Feel?

2006-07-26T21:56:00.001+08:00

How would you feel if the house that you own, is claimed by others?

How would you feel if you have to fight for the house that is rightfully yours?

How would you feel if others decided that in order to stop the fight, you have to share it with the one who tried to take it away from you?

How would you feel if each and every day you have to fight to defend inch by inch of your share of the house which is yours in the first place from being stripped away?

How would you feel if you are alone in the fight while your enemy has a lot of support?

How would feel if fighting is your enemy is considered hatred but killing you is OK?

I really HATE when certain people said that they are bringing justice and peace to the world whereas they are actually encouraging this kind of action. When will this ever end.

Quote Of The Day

2006-07-24T19:20:00.000+08:00

I was searching for motivation the other day and came across a few quotes from famous people. Maybe many is wondering way I was searching for motivation? Well let just say that I feel like shit and need some lift. The quote that I would like to share today is:

"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Untitled

2006-07-24T19:18:00.001+08:00

Dear Blog,

Today I F*%KED UP!!!!!

Something To Think About

2006-07-24T18:48:00.000+08:00

Why is it that we are more comfortable to hold our girlfriend's hand to cross the road rather than our mother's?

Why is it that we are more comfortable to show affection towards our girlfriend's in public rather than showing affection towards our mother?

Why is it that we are more proud to hold our girlfriend's hands in public rather than our mother's?

I am just bringing this up just out of curiousity why things like this we do not pay attention to. For me the NUMBER ONE person in my world will be my MOTHER. This is because she sacrifies a lot for my well being. I owe her my world and my life. Just make sure that when your mother is no longer around, you will not feel any regrets. So do not hesitate! Start today. Tell your mom that you love her. Do not have regrets later.

What Is The Fuss?

2006-07-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

I believe everyone has heard about the news that our beloved Siti Nurhaliza is getting married. For me, I am happy that she has finally found someone that could make her happy and also guide her in life. That is what she wished all this while. All I can say is that,

"Congratulations Siti Nurhaliza and May Allah Bless You With A Long Life Of Happiness With Your Future Husband".

The issue that I would like to bring up right now is that, why cannot we stop at that? Just wish her happy and not make a fuss out of it. I am really shocked that the opening of remarks of news at 8pm was related to the news of Siti Nurhaliza getting married. After that, the first 15 minutes were all about Siti Nurhaliza. Are we running out of important news to be reported in and out of Malaysia?

Believe me when the front page of tomorrow newspapers are going to be about this. Not just that, if you went to the eating places, people are going to talk about this. The main question would be,

Is she crazy marrying a man which is 20 years older than her?
Is she marrying because of the money?
Is there no other eligible bachelor in Malaysia?

Come on people!! Why make an issue out of nothing? There are such more other importants issues that we could debate on. Like for instance what happen in Palestine or what will happen after 19 years when we start to be the importer of oil rather than exporter like we are now. Issues like that should be addressed.

When are going to wake up and smell the roses? Are we becoming a society that lives in a world where the life of others is our qiblat? Is that sad when you could talk about what other people "shoulda, woulda, coulda" rather than asking ourselves those questions.

Do not you guys agree that the entertainment segments on TV will address it and why should the primetime news make it their main issue? Many will not agree with me but what do I care. People are entitled to their views. All I can say is wish her the best and respect the decision that she made. This is because people are also entitled to the decisions that they make in life.

Respect The Decision Made By Others

2006-07-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

People might think that I am the kind of person whom is miserable. Maybe some may think that I am full of anger. Well not most of the time. Hahahaha!! It is just my anger and my misery seems to stimulate my thoughts and ideas to be entered as my blog enteries.

Well today's entry is no different. I am sick of people whom thinks that the popular way is the only way. When someone tries the unpopular way but with the same outcome people start to comment. All I can say is

Who The F*&% Are You To Think That My Way Is Not The Right Way?

I am so f*&^ing annoyed with this kind of people. The only question is that why are they so afraid when people do things differently? Why cannot they just accept it? One might say that each individual has the right to their opinions and they can voice it out because everyone has the freedom of speech. But do not you think that it is a waste of time to contemplate on small matters?

I believe those time spend on things that does not cause much impact to the world should be reduced. More time should be spent on thinking on how to make the world a better place maybe. I am not sure. It depends on the individual.

There is a saying that some things are better left unsaid. You may not agree on certain actions or ideas based on the decision made by others, but if that will not harm anyone or even effect you in any kind of form, I believe we should respect them.

Is it hard to RESPECT one's decision?

Where The Term "Shit Happens" Come Into Place

2006-07-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the longest day of my life. It kind of sounding like one of those TV shows. Now I remember. It sounded like the TV show "24". Well back to the main story.

While my housemate and I were on our way to work, we never thought that this could happen to us. We were driving using the same route that we always use and suddenly I heard a bursting sound and both of us suspected something wrong with the left-back tyre. Our suspicion was correct that there was something wrong with the tyre. But to my surprise, the tyre was not burst but "shredded-like". My explanation maybe not that accurate but you could see it for yourself.

It was totally unexpected. This is because the tyre was in good condition.

So we decided to call one of our friends that we know has the same tyre size. He just woke up and told us to wait for him. He would be there as soon as possible. So we waited at the side of the road. While waiting for help, I was sitting at the front seat while facing the trees in front of me. Suddenly my eyes caught a glimpse of paper at the road side and decided to have a look. Ironically, it was a business card of a garage with a towing car facility. That kind of took the edginess of waiting for reinforcement.

Before I go further, let me explain on a place like Bintulu. Bintulu is not that big of a town. Basically if you go out to eat, the probability of you meeting someone you know is damn high. In addition to that, there is only a few route that could be taken in order to go to work. The road that I usually take is one of the famous route.

So back to the story, still waiting for help (he just woke up and have not taken his bath yet) what we could do is just watch the cars passed by. To my surprise, there is only two cars that stopped. The first is a lady friend that stopped just to see whether we need help and we told her that help is on its way. The next car is a total stranger that is willing to give us his spare tyre. That really caught me of guard. I never thought that people could be that generous. However, we declined the offer and said that help is on its way. In addition two people called to see whether we required their help.

What really shocked me was that there were people from my work place and some of those I know pretty damn well did not stop to see whether we could use their help? Are we becoming a society that does not care what happen to people around us? What annoying is that when we reached to the office, my friend was asked what happened and when my friend asked how did they know, they said that they saw us at the side of the road. I am really speechless. I just did not what to say.

All in all everything is fine now and people please be more alert on what is going on around you. You will never know when someone needs a helping hand.

What Is Going On?

2006-07-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

I was having dinner tonight with my housemates and also a friend. Suddenly, on TV there was another Talent Reality Show on. There was one of these contestants that was introducing herself. Out of no where, I jokingly made a remark on the fact that she is not working. Then a friend said to me that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Do not get me wrong. I am not trying to make a defensive remark on my statement. However, it just got me thinking what is happening in Malaysia nowadays.

I totally agree with him. But the point that I am trying to make is:

Are They Really Entering This Reality Show To Really Pursue Their Dream? Or Is It Just An Easy Way To Be Rich And Famous?

For me, Malaysia does not really need a one hit wonder in the music industry. What we want is another Siti Nurhaliza. Do not get me wrong again. Although I am a die hard fan of Siti Nurhaliza, I am not here to promote her. What I meant by that statement is that, we need an artiste which has good qualities and is going to stay long in this business. If that is the kind of artistes that this reality show is producing then by all means go ahead. However, that is not the case.

What the reality shows are currently producing is flavour of the month. After the show has ended, then we can observe that the name of those contestants started to fade. Often we can observe that some of them are not able to sing but due to some qualities that they possess, they were selected. Although this is just an individual opinion, but due to so called the power is in your hands, those people are selected. This is because the producers know that they will be voted.

That is just one side of the story. The other side is really saddening. The impact this shows has on society. People are to obsess with the contestants that they some time forgot about manners. In addition to that, it give the impression to little kids that this is the path that I am going to take in the future. The little boys and girls know better the names of the contestants than the five principles of Rukun Negara.

God, what has happened to Malaysia's society? Since when, we started to dream about being in this shows rather than becoming the next Prime Minister, Scientists, Engineers, etc? What happen to dream BIG?

There is nothing wrong if you wanted to become a singer. But like I say earlier, the quality part is quite questionable. Not everything from the west is not good. Take for example most of the artistes in The States. They write their own songs and their songs have message to be delivered.

Everything is about the choices that we made in life. I only wish that we could dream BIG again Malaysia.

What Life Has Taught Me So Far?

2006-07-08T11:11:00.000+08:00

Was I a pompous ass? I have this idea that the world revolves around me. It must be my way or the highway. What the f*&% happened? Why did I come across the idea that I always got what I want? God, I am way off. Have not I learned anything for the past 24 years that you cannot win everything in life.

For the past one week, I am very pissed with things in my life. I always blamed it on others rather than myself. That is I believe to be a typical human nature. We never see that what we did is wrong. We always see the bad in others. Although we hate to admit it or keep telling ourselves that we are not like that, believe me WE ARE! Maybe some will not say it out loud about others whereas some likes to talk about it with others. That is what we called GOSSIPING.

Back to the main issue. What have I learned this past week?

Basically, I need to realize that in life there will be challenges and you will not always get what you want. If you think that you are not getting what you believe you should get, stop bitching about it. There are others out there who are not as fortunate as we are. I got a wake-up-call last night while flipping through the TV and caught a glimpse of this Live 8 Concert. The objective of this concert is "To Make Poverty History". While they were some international artistes contributing their effort to the concert, what caught my eyes were the slide show showing at the back. To see those people crying, suffering and lacking in so many ways got me questioning myself, " Who Am I To Bitch About Life Not Being Fair?". Life will never be fair. That is something that we all need to learn.

In addition to that, I need to be more mature in handling my problems. However, it is not fair to compare problems between one another. I REALLY HATE people whom when you start to share your problems with them, they tend to put you down by saying that your problem is not as BIG as theirs. I believe that is just away to show to the world that you are an arrogant sons of bitches or bitches. I remember a scene in Ally McBeal when Ally started bitching about her problems and Georgina asked her. "What Makes You Think That Your Problem Is Bigger Than Others?". Ally answered, "Because They Are Mine.". Problems are subjective. To some maybe that will not be an issue but to others it will. We need to be more aware and open when people are sharing their problems.

Lastly, I need to piped-down on the gossiping. Gossiping is just a defensive mechanism that one use to divert the attention of everyone else to one's insecurities. So, that shows that I am one insecure punk. I need to be more neutral. I need to stop gossiping and when people tell me about a gossip, I need to not spread it.

God I Am Losing Focus..................Thank God I Found It Back

2006-07-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

This blog entry is quite a shock to me. I never intended to write anything today. I was thinking like an entry per week. However, I felt the need to write something tonight. Maybe because to me, writing an entry for my blog is like a therapeutic process for me. It is just because I am able to put it out there what I am feeling, hoping that I am not alone and it is not that I am such a narcissist.

You know the feeling that you have every new year when you make your New Year's Resolution. At that moment in time you are feeling eager and passionate to proceed with the plan. However as the months went by and the plan is just another plan, you felt dissappointed. I am facing those feelings right now. From feeling passionate to dissappointment is almost like rock bottom to me.

I HATE when this feelings overwhelmed me. God, I need to mature emotionally damn fast!

Right now, I am losing focus on what I have planned to achieve. I have this huge ambition to show to a lot of people that I am as good as it gets. People seems to think that I am not able to handle huge responsibilities. They think that I am still a kid.

Like I say earlier, writing in my blog is like a therapy session. While writing this entry and listening to Evanescenes - Solitude, I am more aware on the things that I need to focus on. I need to STOP bitching about things that are pointless and contemplating so much on people that annoys me. There will always be people that is f*&%ing annoying. Let them be. I will never be able to control the act of others. What I can control is my action.

I need to FOCUS on my mission. I need to SHOW to people that I DAMN GOOD in what I do!!! They will REGRET the day when they decided to underestimate ME!!

Even The Most Perfect Being Has Weaknesses

2006-07-02T01:32:00.000+08:00

Just got back from watching the most anticipated movie of this year. Maybe most of you know what I meant. But just to enligthen those whom have been living in their shell, "Its a bird, No! Its a plane, No!.......come on seriously should I go on". It is "SUPERMAN RETURNS"!

Although to me it is quite a letdown after the all hype that was brought forward for us to indulge. But do not take my word for it. Go and see the movie and judge it for yourself.

The character SUPERMAN was created to be all most god-like. Almost perfect in everything. But what really intrigued me is why did the creator of this character make it vulnerable to kryptonite? Why did not he create a character which is perfect?

I am not sure why myself but I am glad that SUPERMAN IS NOT PERFECT. To me when you see the vulnerability of SUPERMAN towards kryptonite, you are able to relate to that situation. A key scene in the movie is when SUPERMAN confronted LEX LUTHOR on the island.

What I am trying to point out is that as a human being that goes through life with all its glory, we usually faced with our kryptonite. To some maybe just one but to others their kryptonites are plenty. God would be cruel if the challenges that He gives to His servants are something that His servants could not handle. All we need sometime is just a helping hand. Another key moment when LOIS LANE went back to the island to save SUPERMAN.

We were never meant to go through life alone. There are always people around us that is willing to give helping hand. When are faced with the trials and tribulations of life, we always say, "Life's a BITCH!". But we forgot that there is always something beautiful that awaits us. Like the moment when SUPERMAN went to LOIS LANE's house at the end of the movie.

I believe having weaknesses are beautiful. It makes you grounded.

Not All Chick Flicks Are Stupid

2006-06-30T19:22:00.000+08:00

This week I was attending a course in Kuala Terengganu. So we were given a hotel room for each and everyone of us. Thank God that we were provided with Cable TV.

I was flipping through the channels and Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde was showing. I have no choice (although some people would say I have....I could give a f%#$) so I decided to watch. Although the story line is too fictional that I could not relate it to real life, there are certain dialogues uttered by the characters really got to me.

For instance when Grace was bringing Elle down by saying that Elle's way was so naive, she answered, "Well you can do it the Washington way, but I am going to do it the Elle Wood's way".

God, when the words came out, I was like, "you go girl" (inclusive of the finger action....hahaha). It really struck me that most people try their hardest to fit in. It sometime cause my heart to ache when seeing them fail in their attempt. I always tell myself this:

Why Try To Fit In When You Can Stand Out?

People always think that they need to fit in because they believe that is what society expect from them. Well f*&# what society expect you to be. All you need to worry is whether you live to your own expectations.

The other thing that really stayed in me was when Sid told Elle and also this was repeated in the speech by Elle at the end of the movie:

An Honest Voice Is Louder Than A Crowd. Just Trust Your Voice

How poetic that phrase is? I trully agree with that phrase. People tend to believe what other people tell them about themselves rather than believing in their own inner voice. Sometimes what people tell you about yourselves are not to make you a better peson, whereas more to bring you down. You just need to be believe in yourselves. Be confident in youserlves and you would be surprised in how much better you feel about yourselves.

The reason I decided to write about this is just as friendly reminder for myself and to those interested that we are beautiful in our way and just to believe in ourselves. Sometime we just need a reminder from time to time.

You Are Cordially Invited To The Wedding (My First Wedding Reception In Bintulu)

2006-06-23T17:52:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since my last entry. Lots have happened. Although it may seem mediocre to other people but wait a minute.......I could care less what people think.

When I ask most people where they usually hang out, the answers are usually at those high end places like Bangsar, Ampang, Zouk or what ever. Well my hang out with my gang is at "Warong Pak Usu - The Most Happening Place Around".

This is where we usually have our dinner and catch up on the latest news (although I will be seeing the same faces at work).

The food is to die for. It reminded us a little piece of home.

Since we always hang there, it was not a surprised that when we were about to order, the order-taking boy which we call Handsome or Macho already know what we would like to order. Hope you guys could catch where I am going with this.

(Still have no freaking idea? Well my point is, I just want to point out that we became close with the taukeh over the time).

Anyways, we were so honoured that the Kakak The Chef invited us to her son's wedding.

You will never know that you are actually making new families here. This make living in Bintulu to be OK. :)

A Gift From Someone Special Part 3 (a.k.a It Felt Damn Nice To Be Appreciated)

2006-06-15T18:09:00.000+08:00

Today has been a busy day. I was focusing on work the first half of the day. After lunch I was not at my table at all because for all the new instrument engineers, every week we have a discussion on a certain topic. When we finished the discussion, I went back to my office. I was surprised to see some package on my table. Not to let my friend wait for me, I just put the package on my beg and straight away went back. After reaching home, I was surprised to find out that I received something like this.

It felt DAMN nice to be appreciated.

Deciphering The Code (a.k.a A Gift From Someone Special Part 2)

2006-06-12T22:14:00.000+08:00

The Da Vinci Code really got to me. I have not read the book yet. Yeah, I know what a loser. Anyways after watching the movie, I decided that I wanted to read the book. Well, you just know that sometime when they put to movie a masterpiece like The Da Vinci Code, they will usually screwed it up. The movie capture my interest, so I decided to read the book. This is because I believe that the book is going to be better.

Then the million dollar question, "To buy or not to buy, that is the question" (sometime you just need to Shakespeared it up......hahaha). So it was decided not to buy. But the urge to read is so overwhelming. The next best thing is to borrow from someone.

My head was hard at work to figure out who has this book in Bintulu. Suddenly a light bulb moment happened and it occured to me that prior to my smsing with this girl I knew she has this book. So I decided to try my luck whether she would lend it to me. To my joy, she agreed to do so. She had went back home recently. While asking for the book, I asked whether she has some momento for me from her hometown.

Today when I took the book from her desk today, I was surprised to see something special together with the book.

People Say I'm Emotional

2006-06-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

People say I'm emotional. I believe most the people that knew me would say so. In your guys case, I believe you could conclude it by my blog entry. Well, I am not denying it. But is it wrong to be emotional? The weird stuff is that when a guy is emotional, people would say, "Why are you so freaking emotional? Are you a fag? Behave more like a man"

I am so freaking confuse, why are stereotyping on how people need to behave. All I have to say is that:

If a guy cries in public, he is not a wuss. He wears his heart at his sleeve.

If a guy likes to wear pink, he is not a fag. He is just comfortable with himself.

If a guy likes chick flick, he is still a man.

If a guy is a little bit sissy, that does not mean that he can't kick your ass.

We just got to be more opened. We say that we are open to new ideas, but instead we are labeling people and decide how a person should behave.

So to those who thinks that I should behave or feel a certain way, all I have to say is that I just don't give a rat ass what you guys think.

A Gift From Someone Special

2006-06-09T22:50:00.001+08:00

I got this gift actually last year. This actually the first gift that I received while I am in Bintulu.

Why Are We Never Happy?

2006-06-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

I remember that when I was a kid and looking at the adults able to afford what they want, I always told myself that I just can't wait to grow up an able to do all those thing. This is because at that moment I was thinking that material will give happiness. Was I a dumbass.

Now that I am able to posses the things that I wanted, I am still not HAPPY. To put it in a more visual way, it is like this. When shopping, I always go over my head. I just take what ever I want because it creates a rush inside of me and at times it creates a temporary state of euphoria. But when I have purchased those thing, I felt emotionally drained and I am back to square one.

What is actually happiness?

I am still unable to answer this question. Sometime when I asked this question to someone older than me, they still cannot give a satisfying answer. Maybe happiness to a person is different to another. I am still looking for mine. Hopefully it is just around the corner.

Are We Really A Courteous Society?

2006-06-08T06:30:00.000+08:00

We always proud to say that we are really courteous. This is because we are taught in the East to respect our elders, to help one another and etc. We even put it into our tourism advertisment. But the question is, is all of this true? Are we what we say to be?

I started to question this because lately we are becoming more an arrogant society than a courteous society like we alway believe we are. I have this scenario, in a journey to Ipoh from Penang, we stopped at one of this R&R. After we have finished resting, we decided to continue our journey. When we were in the car, we heard a banging sound. This is due to the passenger at the other car, accidentally (lets hope so) bang the back of my sister's car while she was opening the door of her car.

It is OK, all of this was an accident. But to not apologize or even say something, it is damn rude. What she did was to get into the car and just drove away. I am really shocked to see what we have become. This is just one of the scenario or situation. If we bumped into someone, we are taught to say, "I am sorry". But instead we get into a quarrel and blame the other person to be in the way.

What went wrong to our society? I hope that with my two cents, people of Malaysia could start to realize the good values that were taught to us when we were small and apply it. Like I always say, this is just my two cents.

The Prodigal Son Returns

2006-06-06T18:33:00.000+08:00

It has been approximately 4 freaking months since I went back to my hometown. Damn it felt good to finally be able to rest from doing the same thing over and over again. It started of with the planning to go home. Since I am working in Bintulu (for you geographically challenged specimen it is in Sarawak, Malaysia), the month of June is a festive month. It can be considered as the Aidilfitri celebration in Peninsular. Therefore, I took the opportunity to take my off day in 4 months during this month.

Damn! It felt damn good to be able to go back home and sleep in my room on my bed. Then, to be able to do the stuff that I could not do here, it felt great. When I reached KLIA, the first thing that I did was to end my craving for Burger King. My all time favorite at Burger King is the onion rings.

As most people know me to be a movie freak. So the second thing that I did was to watch two movies back to back. What I noticed is that, the movie ticket has changed. God, it shows how long I have not been home. Watching The Da Vinci Code and X-Men: The Last Stand, its like having a mini orgasm (hahaha).While I was at Kinta City to watch movie at TGV, I was surprised to see my all time favorite dinosaur (hahahaha), Barney.

Last but not least, shopping! During the buying of the stuff it felt good, but when you see your credit card bill, aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh…..hehehehe

Well, now that the holiday is over and it is back to work. I have to wait another 4 months. Damn it!

Believes

2006-05-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

I do not know why I always get myself into stuff like this. Maybe because I have nothing much to do here in Bintulu. So, the only way not to get myself bored to death is just to get myself busy.

I am one of the committee which is responsible in organizing this grand event as my boss put it. This was initiated in order to value the sweat and tears of the staff whom has work like crazy to achieve the target.

What really bothers me is that, I am not freaking out? Usually, when I get myself into this kind of event, the stress will be so unbearable that I feel like just passing out. However, at this moment I am still able to breathe.

Is it just due to emotional maturity or is just that I believe that there is a Higher Power that I can rely to, therefore I have no worries?

Maybe that should be the way of life. We can plan to a certain level of perfection and still sometime it will not turn out to be what we wanted. That is why they say that we are only human. To err is human, to forgive is Divine.

We must be humble and believe that there is a Higher Power than us and we should put our thrust in Him.

Maybe this is the answer that I am looking for the reason that I am still able to breathe. I am not sure about you guys, but this is just my two cents.

The Love of My Life

2006-05-21T13:54:00.000+08:00

People always say that everyone is made for someone. There is someone out there for you. But is it really true?

Well, I am not sure but seriously I am in LOVE. It is hard to describe how I feel, but every time I saw her and hear her voice, my heart just melts. What is it with this girl? What power does she have over me?

She already knows my feeling for her but all she can reply is that, "if we were meant to be then it will be". I keep on questioning myself whether this is really true or is it just a way of saying that I am not interested and can we be friends?

All I know is, I cannot let myself build up to high of a hope because if it is not true, then I will hit rock bottom.

Until then, thank God for Siti Nurhaliza. At least she will be able to serenade me with her lovely songs through this time of uncertainty.

Starting Fresh

2006-05-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I post in my last blog. My last blog was something that I tought I need to do because people are doing it. Now that I am more wiser and hopefully more mature, I am doing this for myself.

I will try my best not to turn this to be another flavour of the month.