Incinerating Ideas & Thoughts

Lots have been happening to me recently. I finally got a position in my organization. Basically it is doing the same work but with more responsibility. If previously I could get away with even murder, but now if I made a slight mistake my head is on the chopping board. My entry is mostly about catalyzing the thinking cap of the readers. Not that I am saying that I am know can be placed along side those wonderful poets which talk candidly about life. First they live longer than I am and basically they are more gifted than I am. I am just an ordinary guy with a view.

Any who back to me. (Suddenly I realize that it is sounding rather pompous to me). I believe most of you guys heard of the saying, "Becareful What You Wished For". Well I am eligible to be categorized in that group. I got my dream job but what I am unaware is that the responsibility that comes along with it. People around me say that it is hard to find me at my cubicle because I am constantly on the move. Do not get me wrong. It is not that I am being an ungreatful bitch, but it is just overwhelming. I guess I need to take some time to get use to it.

However I am not going to bore you guys with the joyous moment in my life. That will totally diverted from the theme of this blog. What is exactly the theme of the blog? Well maybe I can summarize it is rather an angry blog. Ok back to the main reason of this entry. When I first got the news that I am finally getting a position and that position is my dream job, I was filled with joy and started to share the good news with my friends. How am I that naive? For the past 24 years of living in this earth I still believe that everyone has a good heart. I have this vision in my head that if someone called you a friend, then that person has a duty to be supportive and also be joyous of the good news of others.

Well the reaction of my so called friend is that, "I believe that you are not the right person for the job. This position requires a lot of experience". I was flubbergasted. In my head I was asking myself, "What is going on here?". I am seriously caught of guard. The reason that I am totally in shock is that when that particular reason got a position, that particular person also did not have the necessary experience to carry that responsibility. But I decided maybe I need to give that person the benefit of a doubt that in time that person will be able to do the job.

This happen some where in August. There is another particular situation that in a discussion of the young engineers development plan, the same guy from out of nowhere said, "You and her do not have much things to do unlike us." Again it caught me of guard. This time I am fucking pissed off. Who is he to judge that what I do is insignificant to what he does?

The truth will set you free. However, I believe we need to have a check point in ourselves whether what we are going to utter is hurtful or not? I am not sure what I did to piss that person off. Right now I am just angry. But I will survive and I will show this person that basically he is messing with a wrong person.

The time in high school or secondary school to me was really the most trying times. I believe that most of you guys also believe the same thing. This is because during this period of time, you try your best to fit in or to be apart of the coolest click. Well that is not the case for me. I was never able to fit in.

If people ask me what am I like during secondary school? The answer that I would give is that I am a loner. I am never the jock type or even the nerdy type. Even the nerdy ones has their own clicks. I am just plain. But I never regret any of that.

But the most hurting thing in that period of time is the hell that others put you through. Maybe a lot of you guys are wondering why am I contemplating on the past, but this idea got to me when I was watching a lot of these teen flick movies. Why must the popular ones be mean to the ones that did not cause them any harm or anything?

Why must some one put some one else through hell? Is it like an unwritten rule that if you were in the cool click you must make someone who is not cool by your definition to be miserable? It is rather personal because I had been through this and when I tried to go back to that time it still hurts to think of it. What I believe is that people do not think of the consequences of their actions? Try to place yourself in the shoes of the ones you belittled. Then you tell me how does it feels.

All in all although it was a rather an awful experience, it reall taught me to be who I am today. What I really like about all of those is that it gives a great power of determination, resilience and just-do-not-give-a-fuck-attitude about what people say. I believe that is what makes me to be successful today.

But what I cannot make any sense is that after you have hurt someone and few years have passed and you met that person that you hurt, is it normal for that person to act like nothing happened? Well I just cannot. I have these few occassions where the people that made my life in secondary school a living hell, tried to act like we were very close friends for a long time. To me it is just hypocritical. I just cannot pretend that everything is OK with people that I do not like. That is why most of them called me a pompous ass. Well I could care less. At least I am not lying to myself.

Well to those who had hurt me in the past, all is forgetten. I have no grudges but I just cannot act like everything is OK. If you guys think that I am an arrogant motherf*&%$#$, well it is your prerogative.

To those younglings out there that thinks making fun of people is funny, think again! Just remember that what goes around comes around. Revenge is a bitch!

Have you ever been in the situation that decision that you take would create problems to others, but instead of admitting that you are in the wrong, you tried to create 1001 of excuses to save your own ass? If you said that you have never been in that position, then I would call you a big fat liar. This is because I believe that our survival instinct would kick in because that we know that when we are faced with confrontation, the key thing is to save ourselves.

I am not saying that I am a perfect person and this kind of things never happen to me. My first instinct would be the same as the rest of the world. But what I want to highlight is, if we continue to be like this then we would never learn to take onwership on our actions. This can be seen in what is happening in this world nowadays.

It really saddens me when people make some crazy logic to attack another country and feel no guilt in doing so. This is mainly because the idea that he or she has is he or she is doing the right thing. It is one thing that you invade others but to not live up to the action is just plain sick.

In much closer to oneself are the actions that we decided to do every day. Sometimes we are just over the top confident or cocky in the decision that we take but when that decision goes wrong and others are also sucked into the situation, we tend to push to others or try to put the blame on the 'victim'. That is just wrong. What I believe a real man would take the responsibility to honour the decision regardless what the outcome would be.

I hope that this would trigger some thought and to make us more brave to honour the decisions that we make in our lives.