Incinerating Ideas & Thoughts

What are the odds that the car battery to be flat? The irony was that when we were from our house to the food stall the car battery was OK. However, when we were getting in the car to go back home, the car battery was flat. It is either that lady luck was not on our side or is it same kind of sign from God saying that you seem to be ajar from Me. I think it is both.

Some people tend to suck in a crisis such as this but some people seem able to handle this kind of crisis. For me it depends. When I am in such a "come what may" state of mind, any crisis is able to be faced with an open mind. On the other hand if I am in my violent mood swings, even the smallest crisis can be the end of the world for me. Tonight is the "come what may" state of mind.

On the bright side, I am able to identify the people that I would like to be in a crisis with and those I rather kill myself then to be with them in a crisis.

Maybe some is not able to grasp the spiritual concept that I try to relate with every day situations. Things like my phone broke apart and something like tonight, were just some indications that I am drifting apart from my Maker. This is because I believe things happened for a reason. This is the same concept like The Matrix which stated that each action has its consequences.

I believe that there are some things in my life that I need to evaluate whether to proceed with or not. As a human being we were given the ability to think which helps us in identifying good and bad. Every decisions is in our hands. It is all up to us. Let us pray that we make the right decisions.

There is a saying, "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR". I never really know what it meant by that until now. I have been working for more than a year. All this while, I am just the junior engineer which my daily routine is to wait to be given assignments. So, I am really upset when certain of my colleagues are able to secure a position in the organization whereas I am still stuck at the old place. Every day I prayed and wished that I could get a position that I really wanted.

In addition to that in some narcisstic way, I wanted people to know who I am. This is because they always pronounce my name wrongly and think that I am someone else. That made me really uncomfortable. For f&*% sake my name is not that hard to pronounce. Even a Dutch could pronounce it properly.

However, all of that changed recently. I heard the news from my boss that I am going to be offered a position. Hearing just that got me really excited and happy. I thought the news ended there. Was I wrong. In addition to that the position is really the position that dreamt all this while. That left me flabbergasted. I could not believe it. What I am wishing for really came true.

I am still speechless until today. What actually I dreamt for really came true. In other words people start to recognize me as an individual. I am trying my best to digest everything. This thing rarely happen to me. But when it does, I am overwhelmed.

I really HATE when certain people said that they are bringing justice and peace to the world whereas they are actually encouraging this kind of action. When will this ever end.

I was searching for motivation the other day and came across a few quotes from famous people. Maybe many is wondering way I was searching for motivation? Well let just say that I feel like shit and need some lift. The quote that I would like to share today is:

I am just bringing this up just out of curiousity why things like this we do not pay attention to. For me the NUMBER ONE person in my world will be my MOTHER. This is because she sacrifies a lot for my well being. I owe her my world and my life. Just make sure that when your mother is no longer around, you will not feel any regrets. So do not hesitate! Start today. Tell your mom that you love her. Do not have regrets later.

I believe everyone has heard about the news that our beloved Siti Nurhaliza is getting married. For me, I am happy that she has finally found someone that could make her happy and also guide her in life. That is what she wished all this while. All I can say is that,

"Congratulations Siti Nurhaliza and May Allah Bless You With A Long Life Of Happiness With Your Future Husband".

The issue that I would like to bring up right now is that, why cannot we stop at that? Just wish her happy and not make a fuss out of it. I am really shocked that the opening of remarks of news at 8pm was related to the news of Siti Nurhaliza getting married. After that, the first 15 minutes were all about Siti Nurhaliza. Are we running out of important news to be reported in and out of Malaysia?

Believe me when the front page of tomorrow newspapers are going to be about this. Not just that, if you went to the eating places, people are going to talk about this. The main question would be,

Come on people!! Why make an issue out of nothing? There are such more other importants issues that we could debate on. Like for instance what happen in Palestine or what will happen after 19 years when we start to be the importer of oil rather than exporter like we are now. Issues like that should be addressed.

When are going to wake up and smell the roses? Are we becoming a society that lives in a world where the life of others is our qiblat? Is that sad when you could talk about what other people "shoulda, woulda, coulda" rather than asking ourselves those questions.

Do not you guys agree that the entertainment segments on TV will address it and why should the primetime news make it their main issue? Many will not agree with me but what do I care. People are entitled to their views. All I can say is wish her the best and respect the decision that she made. This is because people are also entitled to the decisions that they make in life.

People might think that I am the kind of person whom is miserable. Maybe some may think that I am full of anger. Well not most of the time. Hahahaha!! It is just my anger and my misery seems to stimulate my thoughts and ideas to be entered as my blog enteries.

Well today's entry is no different. I am sick of people whom thinks that the popular way is the only way. When someone tries the unpopular way but with the same outcome people start to comment. All I can say is

I am so f*&^ing annoyed with this kind of people. The only question is that why are they so afraid when people do things differently? Why cannot they just accept it? One might say that each individual has the right to their opinions and they can voice it out because everyone has the freedom of speech. But do not you think that it is a waste of time to contemplate on small matters?

I believe those time spend on things that does not cause much impact to the world should be reduced. More time should be spent on thinking on how to make the world a better place maybe. I am not sure. It depends on the individual.

There is a saying that some things are better left unsaid. You may not agree on certain actions or ideas based on the decision made by others, but if that will not harm anyone or even effect you in any kind of form, I believe we should respect them.

While my housemate and I were on our way to work, we never thought that this could happen to us. We were driving using the same route that we always use and suddenly I heard a bursting sound and both of us suspected something wrong with the left-back tyre. Our suspicion was correct that there was something wrong with the tyre. But to my surprise, the tyre was not burst but "shredded-like". My explanation maybe not that accurate but you could see it for yourself.

It was totally unexpected. This is because the tyre was in good condition.

So we decided to call one of our friends that we know has the same tyre size. He just woke up and told us to wait for him. He would be there as soon as possible. So we waited at the side of the road. While waiting for help, I was sitting at the front seat while facing the trees in front of me. Suddenly my eyes caught a glimpse of paper at the road side and decided to have a look. Ironically, it was a business card of a garage with a towing car facility. That kind of took the edginess of waiting for reinforcement.

Before I go further, let me explain on a place like Bintulu. Bintulu is not that big of a town. Basically if you go out to eat, the probability of you meeting someone you know is damn high. In addition to that, there is only a few route that could be taken in order to go to work. The road that I usually take is one of the famous route.

So back to the story, still waiting for help (he just woke up and have not taken his bath yet) what we could do is just watch the cars passed by. To my surprise, there is only two cars that stopped. The first is a lady friend that stopped just to see whether we need help and we told her that help is on its way. The next car is a total stranger that is willing to give us his spare tyre. That really caught me of guard. I never thought that people could be that generous. However, we declined the offer and said that help is on its way. In addition two people called to see whether we required their help.

What really shocked me was that there were people from my work place and some of those I know pretty damn well did not stop to see whether we could use their help? Are we becoming a society that does not care what happen to people around us? What annoying is that when we reached to the office, my friend was asked what happened and when my friend asked how did they know, they said that they saw us at the side of the road. I am really speechless. I just did not what to say.

All in all everything is fine now and people please be more alert on what is going on around you. You will never know when someone needs a helping hand.

I was having dinner tonight with my housemates and also a friend. Suddenly, on TV there was another Talent Reality Show on. There was one of these contestants that was introducing herself. Out of no where, I jokingly made a remark on the fact that she is not working. Then a friend said to me that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Do not get me wrong. I am not trying to make a defensive remark on my statement. However, it just got me thinking what is happening in Malaysia nowadays.

I totally agree with him. But the point that I am trying to make is:

For me, Malaysia does not really need a one hit wonder in the music industry. What we want is another Siti Nurhaliza. Do not get me wrong again. Although I am a die hard fan of Siti Nurhaliza, I am not here to promote her. What I meant by that statement is that, we need an artiste which has good qualities and is going to stay long in this business. If that is the kind of artistes that this reality show is producing then by all means go ahead. However, that is not the case.

What the reality shows are currently producing is flavour of the month. After the show has ended, then we can observe that the name of those contestants started to fade. Often we can observe that some of them are not able to sing but due to some qualities that they possess, they were selected. Although this is just an individual opinion, but due to so called the power is in your hands, those people are selected. This is because the producers know that they will be voted.

That is just one side of the story. The other side is really saddening. The impact this shows has on society. People are to obsess with the contestants that they some time forgot about manners. In addition to that, it give the impression to little kids that this is the path that I am going to take in the future. The little boys and girls know better the names of the contestants than the five principles of Rukun Negara.

God, what has happened to Malaysia's society? Since when, we started to dream about being in this shows rather than becoming the next Prime Minister, Scientists, Engineers, etc? What happen to dream BIG?

There is nothing wrong if you wanted to become a singer. But like I say earlier, the quality part is quite questionable. Not everything from the west is not good. Take for example most of the artistes in The States. They write their own songs and their songs have message to be delivered.

Everything is about the choices that we made in life. I only wish that we could dream BIG again Malaysia.

Was I a pompous ass? I have this idea that the world revolves around me. It must be my way or the highway. What the f*&% happened? Why did I come across the idea that I always got what I want? God, I am way off. Have not I learned anything for the past 24 years that you cannot win everything in life.

For the past one week, I am very pissed with things in my life. I always blamed it on others rather than myself. That is I believe to be a typical human nature. We never see that what we did is wrong. We always see the bad in others. Although we hate to admit it or keep telling ourselves that we are not like that, believe me WE ARE! Maybe some will not say it out loud about others whereas some likes to talk about it with others. That is what we called GOSSIPING.

Back to the main issue. What have I learned this past week?

Basically, I need to realize that in life there will be challenges and you will not always get what you want. If you think that you are not getting what you believe you should get, stop bitching about it. There are others out there who are not as fortunate as we are. I got a wake-up-call last night while flipping through the TV and caught a glimpse of this Live 8 Concert. The objective of this concert is "To Make Poverty History". While they were some international artistes contributing their effort to the concert, what caught my eyes were the slide show showing at the back. To see those people crying, suffering and lacking in so many ways got me questioning myself, " Who Am I To Bitch About Life Not Being Fair?". Life will never be fair. That is something that we all need to learn.

In addition to that, I need to be more mature in handling my problems. However, it is not fair to compare problems between one another. I REALLY HATE people whom when you start to share your problems with them, they tend to put you down by saying that your problem is not as BIG as theirs. I believe that is just away to show to the world that you are an arrogant sons of bitches or bitches. I remember a scene in Ally McBeal when Ally started bitching about her problems and Georgina asked her. "What Makes You Think That Your Problem Is Bigger Than Others?". Ally answered, "Because They Are Mine.". Problems are subjective. To some maybe that will not be an issue but to others it will. We need to be more aware and open when people are sharing their problems.

Lastly, I need to piped-down on the gossiping. Gossiping is just a defensive mechanism that one use to divert the attention of everyone else to one's insecurities. So, that shows that I am one insecure punk. I need to be more neutral. I need to stop gossiping and when people tell me about a gossip, I need to not spread it.

You know the feeling that you have every new year when you make your New Year's Resolution. At that moment in time you are feeling eager and passionate to proceed with the plan. However as the months went by and the plan is just another plan, you felt dissappointed. I am facing those feelings right now. From feeling passionate to dissappointment is almost like rock bottom to me.

I HATE when this feelings overwhelmed me. God, I need to mature emotionally damn fast!

Right now, I am losing focus on what I have planned to achieve. I have this huge ambition to show to a lot of people that I am as good as it gets. People seems to think that I am not able to handle huge responsibilities. They think that I am still a kid.

Like I say earlier, writing in my blog is like a therapy session. While writing this entry and listening to Evanescenes - Solitude, I am more aware on the things that I need to focus on. I need to STOP bitching about things that are pointless and contemplating so much on people that annoys me. There will always be people that is f*&%ing annoying. Let them be. I will never be able to control the act of others. What I can control is my action.

I need to FOCUS on my mission. I need to SHOW to people that I DAMN GOOD in what I do!!! They will REGRET the day when they decided to underestimate ME!!

Although to me it is quite a letdown after the all hype that was brought forward for us to indulge. But do not take my word for it. Go and see the movie and judge it for yourself.

The character SUPERMAN was created to be all most god-like. Almost perfect in everything. But what really intrigued me is why did the creator of this character make it vulnerable to kryptonite? Why did not he create a character which is perfect?

I am not sure why myself but I am glad that SUPERMAN IS NOT PERFECT. To me when you see the vulnerability of SUPERMAN towards kryptonite, you are able to relate to that situation. A key scene in the movie is when SUPERMAN confronted LEX LUTHOR on the island.

What I am trying to point out is that as a human being that goes through life with all its glory, we usually faced with our kryptonite. To some maybe just one but to others their kryptonites are plenty. God would be cruel if the challenges that He gives to His servants are something that His servants could not handle. All we need sometime is just a helping hand. Another key moment when LOIS LANE went back to the island to save SUPERMAN.

We were never meant to go through life alone. There are always people around us that is willing to give helping hand. When are faced with the trials and tribulations of life, we always say, "Life's a BITCH!". But we forgot that there is always something beautiful that awaits us. Like the moment when SUPERMAN went to LOIS LANE's house at the end of the movie.

I believe having weaknesses are beautiful. It makes you grounded.