Things That Touches Your Soul
(....At the background are playing my two favourite songs for now. Faizal's "Maha Karya Cinta" & Christina Aguilera's "Hurt"......)What I like about singer-songwriters are that they are actually singing their feelings and its actually honest. Sometimes you feel that they are actually singing your unspoken words that you have been bottling up inside. That is why sometimes you feel the tendency to cry when what they are singing is your life's trail & pain.
Sometimes when you are going through life, that you have been keeping inside, regardless whether it is happy or sad feeling. As time goes by you tend to forget because of the passing time like the old saying, "Time Will Heal Everything". Unfortunately it is not the case. We have this ability to block out anything that is unhappy about our lives. But when certain event happened, it opens the long forgotten locked door.
For me lately this song by Christina Aguilera really opened wide the door that I thought I was able to get over it. Just try to absorb the emotion of the lyrics:
Christina Aguilera
Hurt
Verse 1:
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.You told me how proud you were but I walked away.If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.
Pre-Chorus:
I would hold you in my arms.I would take the pain away.Thank you for all you've done.Forgive all your mistakes.There's nothing I wouldn't do.To hear your voice again.Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.
Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself by hurting you.
Verse 2:
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss.You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.
Pre-Chorus:
Would you tell me I was wrong?Would you help me understand?Are you looking down upon me?Are you proud of who I am?There's nothing I wouldn't do.To have just one more chance.To look into your eyes and see you looking back.
Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself, oh...
Bridge:
If I had just one more day.I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.Oh, It's dangerous.It's so out of line to try and turn back time.
I'm sorry for blaming you.For everything I just couldn't do.And I've hurt myself....by hurting you.
My heart aches as I rekindle the relation of this song with life story.
It Has Been A While
It has been a while since my last entry. Well basically there have been a lot of things that happened in my life. First of all, I had a very long holiday. It was closed to a month. Although after the long holiday there are lots of things to catch up but I did not regret every minute of it. I have not seen my family for a while and with the long holiday it helped me to re-connect back with them.
Then there was the case of meeting old friends. I met with a very old friends since kindergarden. She is basically enganged and is getting married some where in June next year. After that there was the case of fulfilling of destiny. What you might ask? Well basically to fulfull the destiny to have the Genting clan to go to Genting. That was the most fuckingly exciting that I have done in a while. The most crazy thing that I have done was the "Space Shot". Damn it I nearly crapped in my pants. For more details of that adventure please visit this blog:
Not all was sugar and candy during my holiday. During my catch session with my dear old friend, she told me that one of our acquaintance in high school is diagnosed with HIV+. That really shook me back to reality. He is already in the final stage of HIV+ and I keep telling myself how do we really react to this kind of situation? I sure the hell do not know how.
Ok back to a higher note, a long hiatus really help you to re-focus your objectives when you return to work. When I went back to work I really felt rejuvenate and eager to start work.
Basically this is just the beginning of much more entry to come after the long break. Just wait for it.
People Sometimes Are Inconsiderate
Lots have been happening to me recently. I finally got a position in my organization. Basically it is doing the same work but with more responsibility. If previously I could get away with even murder, but now if I made a slight mistake my head is on the chopping board. My entry is mostly about catalyzing the thinking cap of the readers. Not that I am saying that I am know can be placed along side those wonderful poets which talk candidly about life. First they live longer than I am and basically they are more gifted than I am. I am just an ordinary guy with a view.
Any who back to me. (Suddenly I realize that it is sounding rather pompous to me). I believe most of you guys heard of the saying, "Becareful What You Wished For". Well I am eligible to be categorized in that group. I got my dream job but what I am unaware is that the responsibility that comes along with it. People around me say that it is hard to find me at my cubicle because I am constantly on the move. Do not get me wrong. It is not that I am being an ungreatful bitch, but it is just overwhelming. I guess I need to take some time to get use to it.
However I am not going to bore you guys with the joyous moment in my life. That will totally diverted from the theme of this blog. What is exactly the theme of the blog? Well maybe I can summarize it is rather an angry blog. Ok back to the main reason of this entry. When I first got the news that I am finally getting a position and that position is my dream job, I was filled with joy and started to share the good news with my friends. How am I that naive? For the past 24 years of living in this earth I still believe that everyone has a good heart. I have this vision in my head that if someone called you a friend, then that person has a duty to be supportive and also be joyous of the good news of others.
Well the reaction of my so called friend is that, "I believe that you are not the right person for the job. This position requires a lot of experience". I was flubbergasted. In my head I was asking myself, "What is going on here?". I am seriously caught of guard. The reason that I am totally in shock is that when that particular reason got a position, that particular person also did not have the necessary experience to carry that responsibility. But I decided maybe I need to give that person the benefit of a doubt that in time that person will be able to do the job.
This happen some where in August. There is another particular situation that in a discussion of the young engineers development plan, the same guy from out of nowhere said, "You and her do not have much things to do unlike us." Again it caught me of guard. This time I am fucking pissed off. Who is he to judge that what I do is insignificant to what he does?
The truth will set you free. However, I believe we need to have a check point in ourselves whether what we are going to utter is hurtful or not? I am not sure what I did to piss that person off. Right now I am just angry. But I will survive and I will show this person that basically he is messing with a wrong person.
Why Must We Be Mean?
The time in high school or secondary school to me was really the most trying times. I believe that most of you guys also believe the same thing. This is because during this period of time, you try your best to fit in or to be apart of the coolest click. Well that is not the case for me. I was never able to fit in.
If people ask me what am I like during secondary school? The answer that I would give is that I am a loner. I am never the jock type or even the nerdy type. Even the nerdy ones has their own clicks. I am just plain. But I never regret any of that.
But the most hurting thing in that period of time is the hell that others put you through. Maybe a lot of you guys are wondering why am I contemplating on the past, but this idea got to me when I was watching a lot of these teen flick movies. Why must the popular ones be mean to the ones that did not cause them any harm or anything?
Why must some one put some one else through hell? Is it like an unwritten rule that if you were in the cool click you must make someone who is not cool by your definition to be miserable? It is rather personal because I had been through this and when I tried to go back to that time it still hurts to think of it. What I believe is that people do not think of the consequences of their actions? Try to place yourself in the shoes of the ones you belittled. Then you tell me how does it feels.
All in all although it was a rather an awful experience, it reall taught me to be who I am today. What I really like about all of those is that it gives a great power of determination, resilience and just-do-not-give-a-fuck-attitude about what people say. I believe that is what makes me to be successful today.
But what I cannot make any sense is that after you have hurt someone and few years have passed and you met that person that you hurt, is it normal for that person to act like nothing happened? Well I just cannot. I have these few occassions where the people that made my life in secondary school a living hell, tried to act like we were very close friends for a long time. To me it is just hypocritical. I just cannot pretend that everything is OK with people that I do not like. That is why most of them called me a pompous ass. Well I could care less. At least I am not lying to myself.
Well to those who had hurt me in the past, all is forgetten. I have no grudges but I just cannot act like everything is OK. If you guys think that I am an arrogant motherf*&%$#$, well it is your prerogative.
To those younglings out there that thinks making fun of people is funny, think again! Just remember that what goes around comes around. Revenge is a bitch!
STOP Making Excuses But START Taking Responsibilities Of Our Actions
Have you ever been in the situation that decision that you take would create problems to others, but instead of admitting that you are in the wrong, you tried to create 1001 of excuses to save your own ass? If you said that you have never been in that position, then I would call you a big fat liar. This is because I believe that our survival instinct would kick in because that we know that when we are faced with confrontation, the key thing is to save ourselves.
I am not saying that I am a perfect person and this kind of things never happen to me. My first instinct would be the same as the rest of the world. But what I want to highlight is, if we continue to be like this then we would never learn to take onwership on our actions. This can be seen in what is happening in this world nowadays.
It really saddens me when people make some crazy logic to attack another country and feel no guilt in doing so. This is mainly because the idea that he or she has is he or she is doing the right thing. It is one thing that you invade others but to not live up to the action is just plain sick.
In much closer to oneself are the actions that we decided to do every day. Sometimes we are just over the top confident or cocky in the decision that we take but when that decision goes wrong and others are also sucked into the situation, we tend to push to others or try to put the blame on the 'victim'. That is just wrong. What I believe a real man would take the responsibility to honour the decision regardless what the outcome would be.
I hope that this would trigger some thought and to make us more brave to honour the decisions that we make in our lives.
I Just Love A Great Story
There are lots of things that is happening in one's life and sometime you are just overwhelmed by it. Therefore you need some external motivations when your innerself are running out of ideas to perk you up. Just to share, for me what I watch in the telly or even the movies that really has an impact to me is used to motivate me. This is because to me it teaches life lessons.
There is this one friend of mine that said to me why am I being to analytical of the movies or anything in the telly. In addition to that why am I to emotional about it. Well it is just plain simple that what ever happened in the movies or the telly has some reality to it. For example the all time favourite type of story is from rags to riches kind of story. Do not you just love it? I believe that this kind of story really close to my heart because it tells you the trials and tribulations that one has to overcome before one can enjoy success. One of my favourites is "Homeless To Harvard". The story really make me feel ashamed of myself of the way that I act towards trials and tribulations. I let my tantrum get in the way. Maybe this is just because I can group myself as one of the privilage people in this world.
This morning after Sahur, I am unable to sleep so I decided to flip through my cable to see anything interesting on telly. As I was flipping, I stumbled into this movie called "Hunt For Justice". This is story is a about the crime against humanity that happened in Bosnia. Watching this movie was a rather an emotional experience for me. I was unable to contain myself from crying. It is just so sad to see the suffering that the citizen of war has to face. But what really intriguing is that how could a man, which God has given the brain to be able to think what is right and wrong and also differentiate them from animals, could acted animal like?
A great story by my definition is a story that is able to make me care to feel what the characters are going through. Just a one man's opinion is to be more sensitive towards your senses when watching a story. This is because if you are opened enough, you would be surprised of the things that you would be able to learn.
Do We Really Deserve It?
Today was a rather special day because after sleeping on a very uncomfortable mattress for over a year, I was able to buy a brand new spring mattress. Although it is quite expensive but I told myself I deserve this because of the hardwork that I put into in my job. However as I was laying on my bed, I started to wonder do I really deserve all of this?
Maybe it sounds weird to some of you even I also have the difficulty to make sense of the question. The thought came about when I look to what is happening in the world now. It saddens me that I sometime have things that are not a necessity but more towards public validation when someone at the other parts of the world have not even enough of the basic things in life.
I do feel guilty when I am at certain times acted ungreatfully towards certain things. But maybe just because as a 'privilege' and 'lucky' human being to be born at the part of world where everything was presented to you, we tend to be rather spoilt.
What I am trying to convey is that, try to be greatful of the things that we have and cherished everything that we have. Sometime we will notmiss it untill it is gone.
